Monday, March 25, 2013

A Heroine in Villain's Clothing

Has anyone else ever noticed that in any fairy tale, the villainesses always get the best outfits? Sure, the princesses have their tiaras and poufy pastel party dresses, but the villains get to be edgy and off-putting, like the best fashionistas of real life. "Pretty" is easy and can certainly be fun, but it takes a real lady to make evil look good.

Full disclosure: I realized all this recently, after buying a heavily discounted coat made out of rabbit fur (but spotted like ocelot fur....actually the guy at the store told me it was ocelot, but the label says rabbit...either way, it's made out of a soft, adorable fluffy animal and I'm a horrible person). My boyfriend, who is always quick with a comment regarding what I'm sure seem to him like a rather bizarre parade of garments constantly entering the apartment, told me that it makes me "look like a villain". Specifically Cruella de Vil, the ultimate chic villainess, who actually wants to wear puppies as fucking coats. I mean, really. So I was offended for like a minute and then I realized wait, why would I NOT want to look like a villain? It's better than being compared to some shrinking violet of a princess, waiting patiently with perfect curls to be rescued by a guy. Fuck that noise. And while I'm sure boyfriend did not mean for it to be taken this far, what can you do? The mind goes where it goes. So, for your inspiration and enjoyment, the best Disney villainesses, starting with the always fabulous Cruella:

Girl knows how to accessorize - check that chunky cocktail ring out. Also is her purse made of fur pelts??

Cruella apparently also possesses the ability to produce green cigarette smoke. Does that come with the (evil) territory?
Found at:

Ursula of the Little Mermaid used to scare the absolute shit out of me what I was a kid - like, to the point where I'm not even sure I ever made it through the whole movie. I honestly don't remember what it was about her that freaked me out so much - maybe the purple skin thing? But my childhood fear certainly doesn't stop her from being a badass bitch. I, for one, don't know any other octopi who can rock an LBD like that.

Let's talk beauty: who knew red lips and blue eyeshadow could look so good on purple skin, am I right? She's also obviously caught onto the strong brow trend.

Ursula on the catwalk. I'm clearly not the first to be inspired.
The only problem with these two ladies is that it appears being evil is like, really trying on your hair. Or maybe there are no evil hair dressers is Disney-land? Or maybe it's supposed to teach young women that if they choose the path of evil and decide to you know, skin puppies for coats and stuff, they will always have great clothes but will have to suffer through life with a train wreck of a head. Who knows. I'm open to ideas.

Queen Grimhilde (who's real crime was basically just being jealous of the younger, hotter Snow White...and I guess trying to kill her with an apple? But really, haven't we all been there to some degree?) managed to escape the terrifying old-lady hair, but instead has extremely intimidating eyebrows. And possibly no hair? It's hard to tell what's happening with that cape/crown situation. But apparently, if Disney is to be trusted, heavily arched eyebrows are a sure-fire sign of a cold, hard bitch. 

These brows mean business.

Capes are chic, for sure.
Maleficent, of Sleeping Beauty fame, rocks a similar look to that of the Queen, only slightly more bizarre because she has green skin and some kind of horns going on. Similar bitch brows and black cape. Overall, a very witchy look. If this were reality, these two would definitely be swapping waxing tips over a nice boozy brunch.

In addition to the green skin and the hair-horns (?), Maleficent has a bird and a staph. It's all pretty fucking terrifying, but I dig that high collar.

And there you have it, folks, Evil-Chic 101. Make an appointment with your eyebrow lady NOW, but don't forget to call your hairdresser too, because if even Cruella can't make skunk hair look sexy, you best not even try. 

1 comment:

  1. Absolutely hilarious and dead on. I was looking for Cruella costume ideas and found your page and yes those evil queens serve. Fierce fashion mavens. Yes!!