From left to right: Claire Danes, Kerry Washington, Michelle Dockery, Heidi Klum. The first two are light, soft, and beautiful, while the second two are deep and sexy. I like it all. And how great does Heidi's bod look in that dress? And how perfect is Claire Danes' lipstick? And also just Claire Danes herself.
From left to right: Taylor Schilling (PIPER!), Rose Byrne, Julianne Hough, Laura Dern. Okay, so, let's cut right to the chase. I know a lot of people didn't like Julianne Hough's dress because it showed her underwear or whatever. But you GUYS. It's not actually her underwear, you know? And the dress is pretty and romantic and totally NOT slutty enough that I just feel like it works. It's a beautiful dress made of beautiful fabric. I mean, yeah, maybe it looks a little Dancing With the Stars, but it's PRETTY. And a little sexy! And I like it. It reminds me of mermaids, and who doesn't want to look like a mermaid. So let's just all step off Julianne Hough and her gown, okay? Cool.
Moving on: I have a pretty huge girl crush on Rose Byrne. Like, if I had to trade my face for the face of a celebrity, I'm thinking I might pick her. And if I had to pick one dress to wear to this event myself, it would be either hers or Laura Dern's. Just like, FYI.
From left to right: Jessica Pare, Lena Dunham, Allison Williams, Lena Headey. This really hurts me to put two members of the Girls cast in my meh section. I love Girls. I laugh so hard that I cry when I watch Girls. But these chicks really need to step up their game. Lena looks okay and I get what she's trying to do, it just isn't really hitting home for me. The overall floral print plus the intense eye makeup is overpowering to her. Sometimes I feel like she's just trying to be put on worst dressed lists, because she's just too cool for all that and wants us all to know it. Which, okay, fine, I guess the joke is on me. I'M not the voice of a generation, after all.
Meanwhile, I'm having the opposite problem with Allison Williams. We get it, you're classically pretty. But come on! DO SOMETHING. At least a necklace, or SOMETHING. Why does she want to look so bland? Is it because her father is a news anchor or whatever?
The Meh-est of Them All:
From left to right: Sarah Silverman, Elizabeth Moss, Julianna Margulies, Emily Deschanel.
All of these dresses look really cheap, in my humble opinion. Like something one could find at the local mall. Did Sarah Silverman legitimately get her dress at Bebe, or what? I can't. And those platform shoes. She looks like she robbed a Kardashian sister on her way to the event...maybe she forgot about the Emmy's too?
Also the top of Elizabeth Moss's dress reminds me of these tops. Remember those? Yeah...let's just all agree to not go back there. And this is coming from me, the Ultimate Lover of Shiny Shit. So you know it's real.